I knew

I knew it couldn't last.
Everything was perfect.
Then my world almost completely caved in this morning and I didn't even know it.

I knew something was wrong when John didn't text me good morning. I just got progressively more worried over the day. Then one of the first texts I get is about how he's in pain and he's not going back to training. The part that kills me is he wait until tonight to tell me that he ODed this morning. And he's hasn't talked to me since.

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Frankly, I'm lucky I know where the keys are otherwise I'd have no idea what I'm writing.

Was it on purpose? Is he okay now? What the hell is going on? Why aren't I on my way to California?

I hate this. I need to stop crying, but all I can think is I almost lost him.